At a blogging conference two weeks ago, I stumbled across
Polly Pagenhart enjoying a peaceful, solo moment taking in the gorgeous ocean view. I stood just behind her for a moment, unseen, transformed momentarily into a blushing, self-conscious, indecisive teenager as I wondered whether or not to barge in on her moment of quiet to say what I suddenly, desperately needed to say.
Then I barged on over, threw my arms around her, and said the words I've been trying to write on this blog for the better part of a year:
"Voices of the Year changed my life. I can never thank you enough."
As many of you know, last year I was given the incredible, almost indescribable honor of being named one of BlogHer's 2012 Voices of the Year, and the opportunity to read my piece at the Community Keynote. I say "indescribable" because it
seems like I should be able to use plenty of my usual (overused) adjectives to tell you what it felt like:
Amazing. Awesome. Inspiring.
And yes, it was all of those things.
But it was also so much more.
From being lovingly coached by Polly and the equally awesome Shannon Carroll, to a somewhat starstruck meeting with BlogHer co-founders Lisa Stone and Elisa Camahort Page (Jory Des Jardins, very pregnant, couldn't make it!), to waiting in a green room that had recently hosted Katie Couric and Martha Stewart feeling more nauseated and terrified and inadequate than I've ever felt in my whole entire life, the experience leading up to the VOTY keynote felt surreal and impossible and beyond comprehension.
Then I had to get onstage in front of hundreds of my peers.
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| The view from the (way) back... |
Polly shared a piece of wisdom with us all just before we lined up to wait in the wings for our turn behind the podium.
"When you get up there, don't do anything for a minute. Pick a spot in the crowd, focus, and take one long, slow breath. That breath will make all the difference."
And it did.
Just minutes before my VOTY dress rehearsal last August, I was having lunch at Sarabeth's with my literary agent when we received word that we'd gotten our first offer on the proposal for
Karma Gone Bad.
I called J from outside a crowded subway station, shouting into my phone to tell him the news, and felt pretty sure that (births of my children excluded) that moment was the absolute best five minutes of my life. A lifelong dream was coming true. Everything was about to change.
But I was wrong, sort of. Because in a separate but totally different way, reading and being recognized at BlogHer's Voices of the Year was just as life changing. Never before, and never again, will I stand before a room full of my talented peers, and be recognized for something we collectively, as writers and bloggers, pour our hearts and souls into
every single day. I shared the stage with some of the funniest, most insightful and most inspiring writers out there, and listened to the sound of applause that showered each of us with more love and support than we could ever have imagined. In that moment, I realized--fully and truly and for the very first time--that my writing
meant something. That I wasn't just sending words out into a black void. We are all in this together. Sharing our stories is sometimes the most powerful tool we have to live life with purpose, and with gratitude, and with joy.
Maybe it's taken me so long to write about it because it still feels so surreal. Like writing it down here might just be an extension of the same beautiful daydream it was all along. Except...it wasn't a daydream. Because I have an e-book (and an Amazon author listing!) and the video footage to prove it. Even if I'll never find exactly the right words to express the wonder and gratitude and personal significance of the Voices of the Year experience...at least I have evidence to remind myself it happened.
So now it's today. Submissions for VOTY '13 are open for just one more day. Consider this my eleventh hour request to all the bloggers out there, no matter how big or small or good or bad you think you are...submit something while you still can. Submit your best piece...the one that makes your stomach hurt when you think about how hard it was to write, or the one that makes you laugh out loud no matter how many times you read the same words on the screen. Believe in yourself. I am forever grateful to BlogHer for believing in me...and it never would have happened if I hadn't taken the plunge and believed in myself first.
A million belated but heartfelt thanks to everyone at BlogHer--not just for the incredible honor of VOTY, but for the inspiring, talented community of women you have created. You have given us an incredible, powerful platform to make our voices heard and to influence our worlds, both digital and real.
And also more belated and heartfelt thanks to the friends who held my hand when I was nervous, texted words of love and support, helped me rehearse my piece long past midnight in a tiny hotel room, waited outside to share hugs and champagne at the reception, and sat in the audience cheering as loud as they could so I'd know they were there. You know who you are, and I am so grateful for every single one of you.
Below is the video clip of my Community Keynote reading for those that asked a million years ago. I'm beyond excited to attend 2013's Voices of the Year keynote and celebrate with the women (and men) that will walk this blessed path after me. And to this year's readers:
-Don't be as nervous as I was! (I lost a whole conference day feeling nauseated and horrified...DON'T WORRY. IT WILL BE FINE!) From the balcony it will look like a bazillion chairs, but seated in every one of them is someone who is there to cheer you on and celebrate your words.
-Listen to the applause. Moments like this one come almost never. Enjoy it. Soak it in. Live it.
-Take Polly's advice, and take that one deep breath. It really will make all the difference.
Now go!
Submit! Change your life! And if you don't happen to be chosen this year, go to BlogHer '13 in Chicago (a life-changing experience all by itself, I promise!) and sit in the audience and support your fellow writers. And then next year? Believe in yourself all over again.
To read the work of all 100 incredible 2012 Voices of the Year honorees, check out The BlogHer Voices of the Year: 2012 e-book! These pieces are insightful, moving, and laugh-out-loud funny. I'm so honored to have a place in this collection of fabulous writing.