"Your Kid Watches WHAT?" and Other Mom Judgments: Pretty Wicked Moms Debuts on Lifetime

Photo credit

Confession: My kids watch trashy TV.

Well, not really trashy, like Real Housewives or American Gladiators or anything featuring a talking sponge wearing underpants. (I have some standards, after all.) But yes, my kids watch television. Most of it is "educational." But some of it? 

So isn't.

I used to be that mom that judged other moms for watching television. E didn't watch a single second of TV until she turned two. And then, it was one show a day, and Sesame Street ONLY. Later, we branched out into some select Nick Jr and PBS Kids shows I felt were well-written, engaging, and offered either concrete knowledge or actually did promote the "social and emotional development" the commercials claimed.

Then I had a second child. Somewhere between nonstop nursing, diaper-changing and big sister soothing, I lost control of the remote. E discovered the Hub and became totally addicted to the glittery, enticing, mind-numbing, trash-tastic joys of My Little Pony and Strawberry Shortcake. And as child of the '80s? I sort of got addicted, too.

I didn't think too much about our sub-par television habits (a little Strawberry Shortcake never hurt anyone, right?) until recently, when we had a play date with a school friend of E's we'd never seen socially before. 

"Come see my room! Wanna play My Little Pony? You can be Pinkie Pie and I'll be Twilight Sparkle!" E shouted with enthusiasm, tossing an embarrassingly large pile of acrylic-haired plastic ponies, along with miniature hair extensions and tiny pink plastic combs, into a pile on her bed.

"What's My Little Pony" the other girl asked, wide-eyed and innocent.

"You know, from the show? It's on the Hub. We watch it, like ALL the time," E said, one hand on her hip with cocky authority. She, like her mama, loves being the one in the know.

The other girl's mom raised her eyebrows over a pair of hipster plastic framed glasses and looked at me. 
"We only watch 30 minutes of educational programming a week," she said, her tone mixing a perfect cocktail of derision and pity. "We don't even have cable. It's a lifestyle choice."

Ok. I get it. I've been there. I've been that mom who judges other moms for doing things like eating food that stayed on the floor past the five second rule, or sending their kids to school with gross snotty noses, or buying the kind of fruit snacks that don't have "ORGANIC" plastered all over the packaging. We've probably all been there at one point or another--the moment in a mom's day where, at least for one short minute, WE are the one doing the right thing. Making the right choice. Not totally, completely screwing everything up...like that mom over there is clearly doing a brilliant job of.

But we've also all been the judged mom. The one who gets called out on watching her kid watch My Little Pony instead of Super Why!, or eating stale Goldfish straight from the carton instead of baking homemade kale chips and seasoning them with organic olive oil. 

Which is why I love this new unscripted series from Lifetime called Pretty Wicked Moms. These perfectly manicured, super-Type-A Atlanta moms bring the "mommy wars" to a whole new level. Their "mom problems" are so over-the-top they make My Little Pony look positively wholesome. Entertaining and fascinating at the same time, Pretty Wicked Moms just might become my newest TV guilty pleasure (when E's not around, anyway!) 

(Also, the Pretty Wicked Moms are so devious and cutthroat, it's making that hipster mom with cool glasses and a vegan handbag who thinks I'm basically the worst mom ever for letting my four-year-old watch My Little Pony and play with toys that are plastic and pink not seem all that bad, after all...)

And you know what, judgy hipster mom? This morning E woke up at 5:45 and wanted to snuggle. So I stumbled downstairs, made a pot of coffee, and curled up under a blanket with my daughter to watch Strawberry Shortcake. And while our brains may have been rotting and she could have been using the time to learn fractions or study Mandarin Chinese...we loved every minute of it. 

Do you have judgy moms in your life? Tune in to watch parenting like you've never seen before with the first episode of Pretty Wicked Moms on Tuesday, June 4, at 10:00 pm ET/PT on Lifetime!

FTC DISCLOSURE: Karma (continued...) aims to provide unbiased editorials. However, I wish to disclose that from time to time I may receive free products or other compensation from companies for blogger reviews.

Pushing Motherhood and LAdyInfluencers

Photo via Diane Mizota

Recently, my friend Diane Mizota (mentioned so many times on this blog she practically needs no introduction, but suffice it to say she's a loyal and treasured friend, an incredibly talented actor and on-camera personality, and wields a mean video camera) hosted an "LAdyInfluencers" luncheon in her (adorable) backyard for some of her favorite Los Angeles-based women in entertainment and social media.

Photo via Jennifer Brandt

Along with delicious food from Paleta and the most incredibly kick-ass ice cream (I'm still dreaming about the kiwi avocado) from the most incredibly kick-ass liquid nitrogen instant ice cream making machine (go check out Nitropod!), we got a rare chance to relax, catch up, and talk shop on a beautiful, sunny SoCal afternoon. I feel fortunate to know so many intelligent and talented women in my little social media world, and to be in the same space with all of them was beyond amazing.

Photo via Diane Mizota

Then Diane ushered us into her ultra-chic living room (not a Lego in sight...I'm beginning to think her "son" is fictional...) to watch one of the most inspiring and moving documentary film trailers I've ever seen.

Lifelong best friends Sybil Azur and Linda Cevallos-French worked together, played together...and then started down the incredibly painful road of infertility together. At the ages of 38 and 45 respectively, Sybil and Linda, began their journey toward motherhood at what medicine calls "advanced maternal age." The film explores the choices that led them to delaying starting their families, and explores the stories of women over 35 who have pursued education and careers...and what decisions about "pushing motherhood" really mean in today's world.

Infertility has touched so many important women in my life, and for that reason alone I had tears in my eyes pretty much the minutes the opening credits started rolling. But Pushing Motherhood is about so much more than infertility--it's about the choices women are making about career, education and family...and what that means when it comes to motherhood. Giving every woman information about her choices, her options and her body is an important part of Pushing Motherhood's mission, and it couldn't be a more powerful one.

Watch Sybil and Linda's trailer below, and please consider donating to their KickStarter campaign here. They are close to their goal of funding the post-production of this powerful film, and their message is one that truly deserves to be heard.

BlogHer Voices of the Year: An Eleventh Hour Testimonial

Photo via BlogHer

At a blogging conference two weeks ago, I stumbled across Polly Pagenhart enjoying a peaceful, solo moment taking in the gorgeous ocean view. I stood just behind her for a moment, unseen, transformed momentarily into a blushing, self-conscious, indecisive teenager as I wondered whether or not to barge in on her moment of quiet to say what I suddenly, desperately needed to say.

Then I barged on over, threw my arms around her, and said the words I've been trying to write on this blog for the better part of a year:

"Voices of the Year changed my life. I can never thank you enough."

As many of you know, last year I was given the incredible, almost indescribable honor of being named one of BlogHer's 2012 Voices of the Year, and the opportunity to read my piece at the Community Keynote. I say "indescribable" because it seems like I should be able to use plenty of my usual (overused) adjectives to tell you what it felt like:

Amazing. Awesome. Inspiring.

And yes, it was all of those things.

But it was also so much more.

From being lovingly coached by Polly and the equally awesome Shannon Carroll, to a somewhat starstruck meeting with BlogHer co-founders Lisa Stone and Elisa Camahort Page (Jory Des Jardins, very pregnant, couldn't make it!), to waiting in a green room that had recently hosted Katie Couric and Martha Stewart feeling more nauseated and terrified and inadequate than I've ever felt in my whole entire life, the experience leading up to the VOTY keynote felt surreal and impossible and beyond comprehension.

Then I had to get onstage in front of hundreds of my peers.

The view from the (way) back...

Polly shared a piece of wisdom with us all just before we lined up to wait in the wings for our turn behind the podium.

"When you get up there, don't do anything for a minute. Pick a spot in the crowd, focus, and take one long, slow breath. That breath will make all the difference."

And it did.

Just minutes before my VOTY dress rehearsal last August, I was having lunch at Sarabeth's with my literary agent when we received word that we'd gotten our first offer on the proposal for Karma Gone Bad.

I called J from outside a crowded subway station, shouting into my phone to tell him the news, and felt pretty sure that (births of my children excluded) that moment was the absolute best five minutes of my life. A lifelong dream was coming true. Everything was about to change.

But I was wrong, sort of. Because in a separate but totally different way, reading and being recognized at BlogHer's Voices of the Year was just as life changing. Never before, and never again, will I stand before a room full of my talented peers, and be recognized for something we collectively, as writers and bloggers, pour our hearts and souls into every single day. I shared the stage with some of the funniest, most insightful and most inspiring writers out there, and listened to the sound of applause that showered each of us with more love and support than we could ever have imagined. In that moment, I realized--fully and truly and for the very first time--that my writing meant something. That I wasn't just sending words out into a black void. We are all in this together. Sharing our stories is sometimes the most powerful tool we have to live life with purpose, and with gratitude, and with joy.

Maybe it's taken me so long to write about it because it still feels so surreal. Like writing it down here might just be an extension of the same beautiful daydream it was all along. Except...it wasn't a daydream. Because I have an e-book (and an Amazon author listing!) and the video footage to prove it. Even if I'll never find exactly the right words to express the wonder and gratitude and personal significance of the Voices of the Year experience...at least I have evidence to remind myself it happened.

So now it's today. Submissions for VOTY '13 are open for just one more day. Consider this my eleventh hour request to all the bloggers out there, no matter how big or small or good or bad you think you are...submit something while you still can. Submit your best piece...the one that makes your stomach hurt when you think about how hard it was to write, or the one that makes you laugh out loud no matter how many times you read the same words on the screen. Believe in yourself. I am forever grateful to BlogHer for believing in me...and it never would have happened if I hadn't taken the plunge and believed in myself first.

Photo via BlogHer

A million belated but heartfelt thanks to everyone at BlogHer--not just for the incredible honor of VOTY, but for the inspiring, talented community of women you have created. You have given us an incredible, powerful platform to make our voices heard and to influence our worlds, both digital and real.

And also more belated and heartfelt thanks to the friends who held my hand when I was nervous, texted words of love and support, helped me rehearse my piece long past midnight in a tiny hotel room, waited outside to share hugs and champagne at the reception, and sat in the audience cheering as loud as they could so I'd know they were there. You know who you are, and I am so grateful for every single one of you.

Below is the video clip of my Community Keynote reading for those that asked a million years ago. I'm beyond excited to attend 2013's Voices of the Year keynote and celebrate with the women (and men) that will walk this blessed path after me. And to this year's readers:

-Don't be as nervous as I was! (I lost a whole conference day feeling nauseated and horrified...DON'T WORRY. IT WILL BE FINE!) From the balcony it will look like a bazillion chairs, but seated in every one of them is someone who is there to cheer you on and celebrate your words.

-Listen to the applause. Moments like this one come almost never. Enjoy it. Soak it in. Live it.

-Take Polly's advice, and take that one deep breath. It really will make all the difference.

Now go! Submit! Change your life! And if you don't happen to be chosen this year, go to BlogHer '13 in Chicago (a life-changing experience all by itself, I promise!) and sit in the audience and support your fellow writers. And then next year? Believe in yourself all over again.

To read the work of all 100 incredible 2012 Voices of the Year honorees, check out The BlogHer Voices of the Year: 2012 e-book! These pieces are insightful, moving, and laugh-out-loud funny. I'm so honored to have a place in this collection of fabulous writing.

Curly Girl Method for Wavy Hair: New Product List!

Pretty much every day, someone asks me the same question:

Are you still doing that thing with your hair?

By "that thing," they mean the Curly Girl method for wavy hair I adapted and have been experimenting with since last summer.

And my answer? Is a resounding YES.

In case you missed my original post, the basic formula is simple: no sulfates, no silicones, shampoo as infrequently as impossible and drying with either a non-terry cloth towel (my new favorite is this one by DevaCurl) or an old T-shirt of J's. I actually love the way my hair comes out when I use the T-shirt (it absorbs much less water so the texture comes out different) but J tends to glare at me when I use them too often...(oops.)


I've never been so happy with my hair in my entire life. I've been running almost every day and sweating it out in Bikram yoga on the off days, so I've been showering about a billion times more often as I used to, but my routine is simpler and faster than it has ever been. For special occasions, I still use a flatiron and velcro rollers or splurge on a blow out, but my day-to-day style is Curly Girl all the way.

Since so many questions and comments have poured in on my original Curly Girl for Wavy Hair post, I'm working on a FAQ post that will address some common issues, and another that will discuss some modifications I made for the wintertime. But today, I'm writing to share some new products I've discovered on my (never-ending) search for the perfect sulfate-free, silicone-free Curly Girl approved products.

Because even with the method working its magic, this wavy hair needs a lot of help.

Conditioner

I've been experimenting with lots of different conditioners, especially since the winter months left my hair pretty dried out...my beloved Trader Joe's Tea Tree collection just wasn't giving my hair the moisture I needed. My current favorite drugstore brand is L'Oreal Evercreme Intense Nourishing Conditioner. It's thick enough to stay put during my whole shower (remember, after rinsing or lightly shampooing your roots, condition the ends BEFORE you wash your body, shave your legs, etc. to maximize the benefits.) It's sulfate and silicone free and smells AMAZING. I can really tell a difference in the texture of my hair when I use the L'Oreal Evercreme--it's smoother, silkier and less prone to tangles.

My new salon brand favorite is Pureology Precious Oil Softening Conditioner. It's designed for "dull, brittle, color-treated hair" (which I don't have) but the folks at my neighborhood beauty supply store assure me that's just code for "extra gentle." With natural, 100% vegan ingredients, this one wins points for having both sunflower and coconut oils, which work wonders for coarse hair texture and make my hair extra-shiny. I also love the Pureology Precious Oil Shampoo, and since I use so little of it (washing just once a week most weeks, and only along my part line at the scalp) I can justify the extra cost.

Curl Cream

Current obsession: Devaconcepts DevaCurl Styling Cream. This brand is the go-to authority on all things Curly Girl, so I was thrilled when they finally introduced a curl cream to their product line. Gels and mousses are too stiff and sticky for my wavy hair, so after much trial and error I pretty much stick exclusively to creams. This one gives my waves great shape and definition with minimal fuss...I scrunch a little bit through my wet hair (ends only,) focusing on the denser areas the nape of my neck. So far, I'm thrilled with the results!

Another curl cream (though they call this one a "solution") I've been getting good results from is Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle! . If you're an obsessive ingredients-reader like me, you'll notice this one contains PEG-8 dimethicone, but since it's water-soluble, it earns the Curly Girl seal of approval. I like this one because it's lighter than the creams, still gives great definition and helps with shine.

Dry Shampoo

OK, OK. I have absolutely NO idea whether dry shampoo is allowed on the Curly Girl method. There aren't any contraband ingredients in my current favorite,Alterna Bamboo Style Cleanse Extend Dry Shampoo, but that doesn't mean I might somehow be cheating on my no-'poo lifestyle. Either way, I'm loving this dry shampoo from Alterna on days when I only have 30 seconds to jump in the shower and rinse. A few quick sprays at the roots, which I then comb out with my fingers or a wide-tooth comb (love this one from Cricket Ultra Clean that prevents bacteria!) and my hair looks fresh and smells great, no water required :)

Curly Girl devotees out there: have you been experimenting with new products? Share them in the comment section below and I'll highlight them in my roundup piece coming soon!

Fur Baby Turns 9...Happy Birthday, Tucker!

Seems like it was just yesterday when we brought you home, tiny and shivering, in a cardboard box.

You were fluffy and wide-eyed and looked just like Albert Einstein.
You fit exactly in the palm of my hand.

You were how I learned to be a mom.
You let me make all kinds mistakes and forgave me every time.
You came with us to the ends of the earth and back again.
You tolerated the arrival of new, human babies with patience and grace.
You sacrificed two-thirds of my lap and two-thirds of my attention when your little sister and brother arrived, but your sweet, loyal affection never wavered.

You are my favorite sidekick, my pillow-stealing night snuggler, my furry muse.

You are my amazing, intelligent, one-of-a-kind first "child" (and also the very best dog in the world.)

Happy Birthday, Tucker! We love you like crazy :)